Not being able to calm the mind at any age can cause reprecussions in the future. Taking care of my body required my mind to be clear. If I clutter my head with every possible outcome, I would become paralyzed with fear. I spent so much time thinking, eventually I ended up frozen in a loop of inaction. Even if I spent hours thinking about a scenario, this would only made the situation worse. The severity of this depended on my state of mind. Generally I let my fear take control of me this led me down dark paths. All these paths that were less than fortunate caused me to learn a great deal about myself. Every failure due to inaction, every time I saw myself crumble due to my own inability, made me realized how important it was to conquer my demons. These helpless states in my life made me sick, it’s not like people will always be there to dig me out of my own graves. Friends have helped me out of hell many a time but I tend to fall right back down.
My crticial nature did the reverse of what I thought it did. I thought that being tough to yourself would forge greater products. It is true that one can develop tremedously by rebuilding their ideas, but it simply will not do any good when I became afraid of my own criticism. Fear of my own self criticism could easily paralyze me for life. If I tunnel vision on the little imperfections of everything I won’t be able to see the mountain infront of me. Being able to step back is no easy task. To see the world for what it is, is no easy task. Being able to climb through the mountain of your own self hatred and not fall back down, is no easy task.
The only reason I can now climb forward and never look back at my fear; Is because I now understand that fear does not have to control me. Fear can fuel just as easily as it can clog your engines. It is up to the user, the person at the wheel to understand how to use their fuel. I can sit and wait and wait and wait. One day no one else will come to the side of the road and I will never get back on my path. Therefore I must take action now before it is too late. The only one who can truly help me get out of hell, is myself. The only person who can get me back on the road is myself.